#244: The Grief Nobody Warns You About When You Launch (And the Strategy That Actually Works)

You finally launched the business. You did the certification. You set up the website. You told your closest people.

And then nothing happened.

The texts went unanswered. The group emails got crickets. The friends you cheered on through their own businesses didn't even acknowledge yours.

If that's where you are right now, this episode is for you.

In this conversation, Michelle is naming a pattern she's seeing across her client roster: the warm market silence that almost every new coach faces in their first 90 days. The texts that don't get returned. The colleagues who don't respond. The friends who quietly disappear when you start talking about your business.

Most coaches take this personally. Michelle is here to tell you it's not.

You'll hear the real psychology behind why your warm market goes quiet (it's not rejection, it's something else entirely), why your business will not be built by the people who knew you before you became a coach, and a specific strategy Michelle is teaching her clients right now to bypass the warm market trap and find their first paying clients.

She also walks through three actions you can take this week to stop drowning and start moving forward, even if you've been quietly stuck for months.

If you're a newly certified coach who's been launching to crickets, this episode is going to feel like a hug.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

• Why your warm market is going silent (and the three reasons it's not personal)
• The psychology behind why people don't respond to your launch announcements
• Why coaching is hard for some of your closest people to support, even if they love you
• The "research call" strategy that's getting Michelle's clients their first paying clients
• How to invite strangers into a 30-minute conversation that often turns into a coaching relationship
• What to do when you've been hiding the fact that you've worked with a coach yourself
• Three specific actions you can take this week to break the silence

Free Live Workshop: Saturday at 9 AM PT

If this episode landed for you and you want to learn a step by step roadmap in building your coaching biz with paying clients. Come join me in the training 

Register here →

Meet Your Host: 

Hey, I’m Michelle — The coaches’ coach.

I'm a Business and Visibility marketing Coach who helps female life coaches build a coaching biz, get seen at all the right places, and attract paying clients.

I believe your coaching business should feel beautiful and profitable — without sacrificing your sanity, your weekends, or your personality.

Using my 7-Step Client Enrollment Method, I help you build a coaching business that clients can’t help but say, “OMG, that’s who I need!”

More clarity, more clients, more champagne moments. 🥂

Because building your dream business shouldn’t be a nightmare — it should feel like coming home.

 
🐦 SOCIAL STUFF:

Instagram ➔   / elevatelifecoach
Facebook ➔   / coachmichellekuei
Linkedin ➔   / michellekuei
Website ➔ http://elevatelifecoaching.org

Book a strategy call with Michelle ➔ http://coachwithclients.com/strategycall

Transcript

Launch Excitement Meets Silence

Michelle Kuei 0:00

So you finally launched the business, you did the certification, you set up the website, you told your closest friend, and nothing happened. The text went on answer. It was left on red. The group email got crickets, and the friends that you cheer on through their own businesses didn't even acknowledge your launch. If that is you right now, I want to tell you something. You are not alone, and it is not personal. There's a real pattern playing out that nobody warns any coaches about. And we're going to talk about it today. In today's episode, I'm going to walk you through why your warm market goes silence. What has actually happened underneath it? I mean, it's human psychology, it's not a rejection. And the exact strategy I'm teaching my client right now to bypass it completely and find their first paying client. If you are in this moment right now, this episode is going to feel like a big hug to you. I had three different clients on three different calls this month telling me three different versions of the same story. One sent a very heartfelt text to her closest eight friends announcing her business. Two end up replying, and the other six just pretend that Text DNVIC exists. One sent to a group email in her entire network, and it was total silence. Not one reply. One spent decades promoting and mentoring women in her industry, and when she launched her own coaching business, the people she had personally promoted didn't even acknowledge it. Three very smart, capable, certified women all experiencing the same thing. And every one of them says some version of this. It's borderline offensive. Why are people behaving this way? So today I want to tell you what I told them because if you are in this moment, you need to hear this. Hey coach, welcome back to Make It Visible Podcast. I'm Michelle Kwei, business and marketing coach for coaches. And if you're new here, I teach coaches how to build a coaching business and get their first and next paid clients. You became a coach because you are good at this. Really good. And the world needs what you have. But being a great coach and knowing how to build a coaching business, well, those are two complete different skill sets. That's what we fix here on this podcast. Every week I'm breaking down the what stops you from being visible in front of your audience, giving you simple marketing strategies that works, and showing you exactly how to show up so the right client feels like, well, you're already reading their mind. If you're ready to start building a coaching business that pays you back, grab a drink and let's get into it. Here's what I've been seeing. Almost every new coach launches with the assumption that the people who already know and love them will be the first cheerleader, their first client, or maybe that's where their referral is going to come in. At the very least, their first repost or reshare of that pose where they make a big deal of making that announcement. And almost every new coach is wrong about that. The silent that follows your launch is one of the most painful experiences of starting business. It is worse than rejection because it's not even a no, it's nothing. It's people you have cheered on, helped, supported, mentored, and shown that for looking at your text and choosing not to respond. That is not a rejection, that's actually grief. And nobody warns you about. I had no idea of how to even engage and interrupt and be part of that conversation. So I felt like an outsider when I go to networking events. And it was so discouraging that I remember I came home, I was crying, and I was crying to my mentor coach at that time. And I said, you know, there's no way I'm going to grow this coaching business because I am not good at this. So here's what's actually happening, and it's not what you think. And this is coming from years of experience and working with other coaches and going through that journey myself. When someone close to you announces a business, there's a couple of things that's happening in their brain all at once. One is that they feel obligated because they know you, they like you, so they feel pressure that they have to support you. And that pressure feels heavy. And for a lot of people, they don't know how to process that obligation because suddenly you're asking them, you're delegating them a task. Hey, if this is not for you, then can you go and find me somebody else? They feel pressure that this is pressing upon them, so they don't know how to handle that feeling. Two is that they don't know how to respond. And this goes back to that feeling of being pressured, right? I don't know how to engage, or I don't know how I can support you. So a yes, I will help feels like a commitment that they cannot keep. So when it comes to commitment, you and I both know that commitment is something that it takes a lot for people. So a no, this is not for me feels rude. So they pick the third option. Nothing, cricket, because that's the safest route for them because they don't know how to respond. And typically, when someone who is not in the um entrepreneurship background or they have no background in dealing with business or marketing, this is not something that they feel comfortable in engaging. So they don't know how to respond. Now, the third one is that they might not actually believe in coaching. Now, some of your closest people don't think coaching is real. Like even my sister. So the first time when a client paid me, she actually reached out to me and she's like, You mean people actually pay you for this? But she did end up hiring a coach, by the way. So they do change. So just because they say, Well, I don't think it's real, doesn't mean that at some point in their life they're not going to hire a coach. So they love you, but they think that what you're doing is kind of fluffy. They don't actually believe in coaching themselves, they're not going to refer you. Not because they don't love you, but because they just simply don't believe that work. None of these are about you, and none of these means that you are not good at what you do. None of these means that you should quit. They mean that your business is not going to be built by people who knew you before you became a coach. That's just simple. Mic job. Here's what I'm telling every one of my new clients right now. Stop chasing your warm market. They're not coming. And stop hoping that somehow your warm market is just going to show up at your door and say, Oh, I got a client for you. Um, they might come later, after you built something that's more visible, something that they can see, something that you can prove to them, hey, if I can get it work for this person, it will work for you too. But they're not going to be um primarily your launch strategy. I know a lot of business gurus have told you that you need to reach out to your warm market. And even I have told you you need to reach out to your warm market. Just because you have these three scenarios, it doesn't mean that you would drop that strategy altogether. There's going to be people, and it's a great practice for you to get out there and just talk about your business because you never know what's going to happen when you share that message out. But you don't want to rely on that as your only strategy when you're first launching. Your launching strategy needs to include strangers. Specifically, this is what I call maybe a research call or maybe an invitation to grab coffee for just to understand what specifically is going on in that person's world that you may have questions about around your niche. So let me give you some examples. I know it sounds very vague. So when you go onto LinkedIn or Instagram and you can post something like, I'm newly certified coach building my business, and I'm doing a research project to understand how women experience X. So that X is whatever your topic is. So if that's say you are someone who's helping people uh transitioning um after they lost someone they love. So your research project is to understand women who's going through grief after they lost someone they love. And I'm looking for five to ten women who'll be willing to hop on a quick Zoom call with me. There's no agenda, I'm not trying to sell you anything, just a conversation. And when you do, you know, because you're doing me a favor, I'm more than happy to send you uh to buy you coffee. Now, I know you're gonna ask, like, but what if they live in uh Japan or Asia? How do I buy them coffee? Well, honey, there's something called Starbucks uh gift card. You can do that, and which I have done personally myself, um, where I would just invite these people to come and have a chat with me, and I would just literally buy them coffee. I send them um gift card so that they can buy coffee wherever they are, and that would be a thank you as an appreciation for spending the time with me. Or in a smarter way, which is something that I tell my client to do, is that you actually want to build a resource that you can gift it away. So, not only well, you do have to spend the time to actually create it, but that would be a great way to provide additional resource because clearly this is a topic that this person is sharing, and chances are that person is still working through it. So, why not offer a resource for that person? You would be even more helpful, it becomes part of your uh conversation starter, and you're going to find it wild because strangers will show up for you in ways that your closest people won't. I know it's shocking, but a lot of times strangers are willing to come on and just having a chat, it's almost like a networking, but you know, like they get to know you and you get to learn what they're struggling with. And so the way that you want to position this is you are asking a favor, so you're asking people for a favor. Okay, so you wanted to position and talk about it as you're doing me a favor by coming on and chat with me because I need to learn this, and uh this is why I'm doing research. I need to create something. My coach, Michelle, asked me to do this as a project, so I need to complete my project. So can you please help me? So um, they'll end up being more open, they'll share, and they're going to trust that you because you position yourself as someone who's learning and not someone who's selling, and that works magic out of the five to ten conversation. Maybe two or three or even just one will probably want to start working with you, and that's how you get your first paying client. I know I'm giving away good stuff today because once they share their the real challenge with you, they're going to realize wow, that was powerful. How do I work with you? They're going to recognize the fact that, oh, maybe I do need to address this, and the person who is holding the space for them is right here. So your first three pain clients probably won't come from your super warm network, they come from strangers, people that you connect with, and most importantly, people that you have conversation with. And you don't have to position yourself as, well, I know it all already. You can actually be humble and get out there and start the conversation by saying, Hey, I'm doing this research project, and all I'm trying to do is just trying to understand the people that I'm going to serve. Can you please help me? So you're asking them to help you. All right, so here's what I want you to do this week. Your action number one is that you need to put your phone down and stop reading the text that didn't get answered. Okay, forget about them. Stop scrolling back to the group thread, stop checking the email that you send to your old colleagues. They're not coming. Nobody's coming. You're gonna have to step up and save yourself. You're gonna mute that conversation in your head and move on. It was not about you, nothing personal. It was just how people behave and people respond to situations they don't know how to respond. It's not about you. Action number two is I want you to go ahead and post that research call invitation today, not tomorrow, not until your website is done, don't wait until you're ready. Post it today. Post that invitation today and just tell people, invite them and tell them that hey, I'm doing this research project. I am looking for five to ten women who's willing to come and help me, and I have some questions to ask you about topic X. If you want the template for it, I'm actually going to share that in the uh show note today. So you would have a template. Now, action number three is you're going to stop hiding the fact that you had help. If you have worked with a coach yourself, talk about it publicly. Your audience needs to see that you've been on the other side of this asking for help is the work, not a weakness. Because a lot of people are not responding because they don't want to be the one who raise their hand and say, Oh my goodness, I struggle with this. Basically, when you're asking people, comment down below if you feel this way. Well, who's gonna go and volunteer and be the first one and say, Yeah, I struggle with this mindset issue or I struggle with relationship issue. That's too vulnerable. You're asking people like a big commitment to be vulnerable. So, of course, they're not going to comment, they're not going to reply. You hear cricket, but that doesn't mean that there's no one watching and seeing your stuff. So, how it works is when you become vulnerable and you set the example of, hey, I'm telling you this because I was that someone. So, stop hiding the fact that you needed help and you started to work with a coach, or you're starting to see therapists, or you're starting reading books, you gotta start talking about it publicly so that your audience can see that, oh, she's just like me. And so I wonder she can help me because she's gonna understand what I'm going to do. So it works really, really um weird, but it works around human psychology. At the end of the day, my friend, marketing is psychology. So here's what I want to end this episode with is that your war market silence, it's not a sign that you have failed, it is something that every coach I know have lived through with, including me. I told you about this story. So, what I didn't tell you was um when I sent the email to one of my war market, a good friend actually wrote back, and she was she took it very personal and she got very um defensive. And I remember she said um that you didn't become a coach, you joined a cult. So it was a cult to her that I joined, and I became part of the cult, and she wanted nothing to do with me. And I still remember that email because that was like maybe the first month when I became a coach. So if you have any horrible story or experience doing this, hey, I just want you to know you are not alone. The fastest way through this, it's not chasing people who aren't coming. The fastest way going through this is to find people who are looking for exactly what you do, and most of them are going to be strangers right now. So you're sitting in with this and thinking, well, I get it, Michelle, but I have no idea where to start. I am inviting you to something this Saturday at 9 a.m. Pacific time. I'm hosting a free live session where I'm going to walk you through the roadmap of how to build a coaching business. Um, because I feel like a lot of coaches get stuck on just step one. Where do I find them? Who do I need to reach out to? Who is that ideal client? I've been working on this i help statement for the last three months. Please send help. I hear the cry over the internet. It is completely free, it is live, and you get 1.5 resource credit for your ICF credit, the CCE. And if it is for you and you've been quietly drowning in the gaps between um certified and I have paying clients, there's a link in the show notes down below to go ahead and grab a seat and bring a notebook and coffee. It's going to be 90 minutes long, but I am going to stay as long as I need in order to answer your question. So if this episode kind of tap into what you're feeling right now, please, please, please send it to another coach because someone out there is probably feeling the same way when they reach out to the war market and hurt crickets. And if you have subscribed, I would love for you to leave me a review. I know I don't usually ask for review, but I notice there's a lot of Are you listening? So I would love for you to uh draw me a review if you've been subscribing and listening quietly for a very long time. And if this live session on Saturday is exactly what you need it, I would love to see you on Saturday. Take care. Bye. Thank you for listening to Make It Visible Podcast. If you love this episode and want deeper support for your coaching business, head over to elevate lifecoaching.org and see how we can partner together to turn your passion into a profitable business. I help female coaches launch and scale their coaching business faster than ever without wasted time and money, filling the gaps in your marketing strategies, creating a simple and easy to follow system so you can accelerate on the path of coaching business that you love to wake up to. Head over to elevate lifecoaching.org and grab a free strategy audit today.